How many times in my life I had to stop to ask myself "What if?".
It's not easy sometimes to choose which way to go, if we are making the right choice or if there is a way back.
We are never old enough to be sure about the best choices in life, what is right today, might be wrong tomorrow, but experience makes you aware of the consequences of your actions.
I never forget those 7 years of my life I gave all I had until the moment I had nothing else left and I had to start again. Life has no mercy when it comes the time to realize you have no right and left, only a long road with no end in view.
Luckily when all is over the sun shines again and you start seeing the choices in front of you again. You moved on but you'll never forget the darkness, the loneliness along that journey.
One year ago I asked myself "What if I decide to change everything?!"
I can't live with doubts and the challenge was so tempting that NO was not an option. I would never forgive myself if I haven't tried.
I 'm sure that what is meant to be will always find its way. So even though I saw the darkness I try to live with no fears and to let myself go when my heart tells me so... but whenever I use my heart again, I come to a point when the question is "What if?!"
One thing I know, no matter what it hurts in the end, my choice is always to try and move forward... we always have hope that on the other side is someone else using their feelings and asking the same question, specially when you see yourself saying those words and having those attitudes just when you want more.
Unluckily we realize that we all have different reasons to say something or to act in a certain way, sometimes just the selfish reason of having fun.
Life experience is a good ally after all, it doesn't protect you from falling, but it helps you to protect your heart from being hurt like it was before. You will always have a scar, it will take some time to heal, but you will know that direction was not for you to follow and you turn back to the opposite direction... sometimes knowing you won't see that face again!
You will never be sure about other person's feelings, but you will use your gut feelings wisely to protect yourself, since you know that if the person didn't come back, it wasn't for you, because in the end, the most important person, is YOU!
I sometimes think that people’s hearts are like deep wells. Nobody knows what’s at the bottom. All you can do is imagine by what comes floating to the surface every once in a while.
HARUKI MURAKAMI, Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman
